I’m not going to pretend to be somebody I’m not. I like pretty things. Bows and lace. Shiny and new.
Sometimes I buy something new and I love it and don’t regret the decision. Sometimes my mind haunts around the choice and questions what better things I could have spent my money on (groceries, savings, loans, someone in need).
I go through phases. In college I had a phase where I didn’t want to buy anything new. I didn’t want to buy anything from any store that might possibly abuse their workers somewhere down the long production line. I didn’t want to send my money into the “bigger, better, faster” economic climate.
Then I started thinking, well if I’m going to spend my money on something, isn’t it a better use to buy something of quality? If I’m going to buy a car, why not make sure it runs well. If I’m going to buy new shoes, why not make sure they will last more than a season. If I need a bed, why not buy a comfortable one.
And back and forth and in between my thoughts have gone, like a pendulum swinging.
I feel this struggle whenever I want to buy something for our home. It’s not necessary. I can live without it. But it’s pretty, but it’s useful. But it will make the house feel like home. I don’t know why. Don’t get my wrong, I spend my money more freely than I care to admit. A Target clearance is like a death warrant for my budget.
Money is just that, money. That’s all it is. Would I like a bigger cushion in my savings account? Would I like my school loans to be paid off? Would I like to buy new socks and extra yogurt? Yes. But for all I joke, I am so overwhelmingly blessed and rich and secure.
If you ask me what I want to do with my life, my response is always this, “I want to pay off my school loans, and then go teach overseas.” Do I know where or when or how? No. But I do know that my life will not always be as comfortable as it is now. Who knows, I could be more comfortable or less, depending on the stage of my life, or where I am living or what job I have.
You can’t take it with you. When I look at my life I am reminded, my greatest desire isn’t to have a beautiful suburban home with a white picket fence and yard, though my heart does smile at the thought. My greatest desire is to life a life of purpose, on purpose. And whether my days are lived out behind a picket fence or across the world, I hope that I will be content.
“And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, “You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” “
“But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.”
ambermorganphillips 